Saturday, September 14, 2013

Wait Another Month Please!

Wouldn't it be awesome if you could [naturally] control when your baby would be born? Know exactly when your last paycheck would be, when you will stop having regular (or what you've become accustomed to as being "regular") sleep, and how much more time you have to get everything done that needs to happen before she arrives? By no means is a hospital birth, induced labor, C-Section and/or epidural any part of my ideal birthing vocabulary, but I can now somewhat understand (though personally feel its totally unnatural to try to control, well, nature), how some healthy, perfectly capable women choose to plan their birth this way. With a scheduled birth they can say, "I have until THIS DATE to cook all my pre-made meals to freeze for the weeks/months after baby's born to keep our house fed. I have until THIS DATE to learn everything I can about babies, baby care, and postnatal recovery. I have until THIS DATE to get the rest of my life all sorted and ready to be put pretty much on the back burner for, well, several years (and/or decades) to come." Not knowing how many days I have left before she's here is such a huge question mark, and I'm just trying to breathe and be patient.

The planner in me (which makes up about 97% of who I am), is really putting all that planning energy into preparing to, well NOT plan. To let go and, practice being present, here, now, with no focus on the past or future... but taking each and every moment as an opportunity (to still be pregnant before baby's arrival) to learn as much as possible, clean as much as I am able, earn as much money as possible to pay off as many debts as possible before splitting our income in half, and to take care of my present body, mind and consciousness. Yoga rules in this department for helping me on this journey, and today's class was awesome, love! (And Cat's back teaching too, yay!).

That being said, though I know I have no control over her due date, I will say that I've been meditating on her arrival being a month out, rather than tomorrow (since she is now considered full term, so even if she was born today we would no longer be considered premature). I am visualizing her being a 13 baby like me, October 13, October 13! But we'll see how long she actually waits. Though I know everything will change, and my life will become her life, I also am still holding onto some of my own personal goals, to continue towards my CPA requirements, so I can once again continue earning and contribute to our income by the time she's in preschool (that is if I don't end up getting pregnant again around that time!). I want to start a home garden and write more after I'm not tied to working for a company at a desk 45-50 hours out of my week. Write another book, get this one published (even if only independently). These goals are all still alive and well within me, but I am getting ready to let them go into hibernation, if only for the first year or so of her life and learning to be okay with that. Its a balancing act, of self and baby, and I'm ready to put most of my energy into baby when she needs me the most these first year(s).

I've heard some of our family members tell us how "lucky" we are, and how surprised they are to see that everything has gone as we have planned, and been talking about for the last decade of our lives together. And though I appreciate all of life's goodness, I really think that seeing life in a way to accept not just the good times, but also the hard times as opportunities to learn, grow and appreciate them for that reason is what has made us strong as a family, and generally happy individuals. It has taken us a decade to get here! Haha, though we understand plans can change, I think where we are strong is that we are able to shift our plans when things change and stay working together, moving forward and appreciate all of the moments in between, the "good" and the "not the greatest" (I'm not saying, "bad" because there really are no "bad" times when you have the right perspective - honestly, thing about it). We did not expect to be handed anything, pretty much at any point in either of our lives, and we have taken the time, patience and love needed to build our own lives, individually, and together, and now as a family (especially from the tools we manifested being from broken homes ourselves) to create the kind of childhood we want for our next generation. And we are here, now, creating that! Its really amazing. And also a conscious choice. I think that's why planning gives me so much comfort, strength and happiness, because when you can't control the world around you, when things happen that you do not want to happen, all you can do is control your attitude, your self, and your priorities, your own perspective. Which is also true in birth, treating every moment as an experience all its own, and appreciate it for all the wisdom it brings, and opportunities to learn and grown.

With all our family a 2-3 days drive in either direction of the country, we have stood on our own feet and are so excited to create our own family together on the foundation that we have built for ourselves. All while also feeling so much love generate from the hearts of our mothers and fathers and brothers, sisters, and aunts and uncles, by blood and by choice. I will say how we are "lucky" to have all of these wonderful people in our lives, and no matter how near or far we are, we also choose to feel that love, across time zones and state lines and across all differences, and choose to give that loving energy back as much as possible, exponentially. Again sometimes its not easy, but its a choice, and we are choosing to love, and build, and learn and grow. Again, and though its not all easy (I never expected any of it to be), its been so completely rewarding in ways that I am still realizing, its been a super empowering road and exploration of self so far - life and marriage, and now pregnancy, and through all the tough times, sleepless nights (with many, many more to come), and hard work we've made this house our home for our family.

So, haha, that being said, this was just going to be a quick post showing the photos of my cloth diapering skills (so easy!), and all of Jocelyn's stylish wardrobe (only half of which is put away, going to hang the rest this weekend), and my soon to be favorite place in the house (her rocking chair with stacks of books). Can you tell today's yoga class focused on hips and hip-openers (where us women hold a lot of emotion)? Haha, so much reflection I think also comes with nearing the end of such a long journey of pregnancy. Its amazing how at the beginning I just wanted nothing more but to rush to the finish line, and now that I'm so close to the end, I want nothing more but to stretch out the time as much as possible.

So, without more emotional, diary-entry-like rambling, here are the pics that I meant to just post:

Prefold and snappi So easy to do! Then you just put a waterproof cloth shell over it, and she's diapered! (And note the beautiful baby blanky Great Aunty Jone made us, thank you Aunty!~). 

This stuff was included in my Diaper Squad delivery, you spray in the dirty/wet prefold before putting it into the pail to help remove odors between weekly washes, curious to see how this will work

Great Aunt June's beautiful baby blanket on Jocelyn's rocking chair, awaiting bundling up for story time, and her awesome pack n play (thanks Aunty Marci!)

Her collection of super soft and snuggly new and handmedown blankets in her pack n' play (with the infant adjustment), and tons more baby clothes to still put away

Her closet has clothes to keep her stylin' for the next two years, thank you so much friends and family for all the sweet outfits and handmedowns! So many cute clothes, I can't wait to put her in these.

And since they have been working so hard with all of their new Bringing Home Baby rules and commands here are the hard working pups, being as cute as usual. I love them so much, my other babies.



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