My knuckles feel so weird, and sore. And my hands are swollen, not my feet, just my hands. This is all normal according to my midwives, and has to do with all the hormones my body is producing, I'm just glad that I didn't swell for the vast majority of my pregnancy, just am getting some now at the very end. I still use my hands so much at work all day at the keyboard, and so they are pretty sore. I also have been having strong pressure/sensations in my inner thighs, which can either by part of my Braxton Hicks (and later might be part of my laboring sensations), or she's hitting some nerve endings in there with her head. The midwife I saw yesterday told me to pick up some homeopathics, "Gelsemium Sempervirens," to help with that thigh discomfort, so I've started taking those today... We'll see if it helps, she said it sometimes can, and isn't harmful in anyway, so might as well try.
She has also started to make her decent which is really exciting! Every week she had been growing in fundal height by 1cm a week (they use a tape measure to measure from my pubic bone to the top of my uterus). This week, as per her usual growth pattern she would have gone from last week's 37, to 38 fundal height, but was now only 36! Since I've continued to gain weight (yesterday I weighed 174, which is almost a 45lb weight gain- for me, this is okay and normal, since my beginning BMI was so low, and its all kale-and vegan powered weight - not crappy fast food, etc, but generally this is a lot of weight to gain, haha and it still impresses me when I jump on the scale to see those numbers). Anyway, since she's still growing as per my weight, this means, that her head is no longer at the top of my pubic bone, but she is starting to drop down into my pelvis to get ready to make her big appearance, as my uterus is now also dropping and putting less pressure on my lungs (I still feel winded all the time though, haha and looking forward to eating super spicy foods again without all my insides pressed so high up towards my chest causing heart burn!). This process of her completely dropping can take any where from a day or so, to a week or so... so we still don't really have an indication of when exactly she's coming, but we do know that things are moving smoothly in the right direction :) Hoping she holds out for at least until her New Moon due date.
I opted out for the internal exam, and will do it next Monday, if she is still in my belly by then! After the birth in a nutshell class, basically what the midwife there told us, was that these internal exams towards the end are really just a bunch of arbitrary numbers, since everyone's body takes different amounts of time to fully go into labor. She also said for me and another gal (we were the furthest along in the class), that its more than likely that we are already walking around 2cm or so dilated, which is great, and just means there will be less work for our bodies to do when we go into active labor. The internal exam she also said can be quite painful at this stage, and may even cause some bleeding, which is totally normal. But the only trigger that she said that is a surefire sign of going into active labor, is if you have "bloody show" which is some blood tinged discharge. This means that the cervix is opening (or "ripening" as they call it), and that things are getting close. So if I can avoid to have an uncomfortable exam, that may cause me to bleed and have false excitement for labor, I will avoid it. Luckily the midwives are awesome and totally agree with whatever I am comfortable with. They did say that it is a good idea, to just get an idea of change, and progress... so next week I will get it done, but by next week I will be more eager to probably know my dilation anyway. She also said its not always painful, but it sometimes can be, and not to be scared about it.
Tonight I'm looking forward to yoga, but am also really tired. I had insomnia all last night, and took myself on a walk through my entire life from as early as I could remember, through grade school, middle school, high school, college, England, San Francisco, Austin, and now today, thinking of the future. I kept trying to go to sleep but my mind was really interested in processing all of my life's experiences leading up to this point in my life. The friends I've made from early on, the ones I've grown apart from, and the friends I've stayed in touch with and seem to always stay connected to, the friends who've passed away, and the friends who have taught me how to be more of the person I want to be and am today. The cities I've lived in, traveled to, and the people I've met in those places. The various jobs I've had, skills I've gained, and direction my life has taken because of all of these people, places, experiences and things. I guess this is what happens when you have a return to Saturn. At 30 generally Saturn returns to where it was when you were born, as it takes 30 years for it to revolve around the sun. This can bring on a lot of dramatic life changes in most people... whether or not they subscribe to astrological and planetary advice, and with me its bringing a baby, and a lot of reflection on my life so far. Saturn is also my ruling planet, so perhaps I feel even more at a crossroads, and a new beginning of something big and great in this new chapter ahead.
Yesterday after work, I picked up all the ingredients I need to make tamales, so I will try to get a bunch of those made either wed. after work, or Friday, if not the weekend. The Burritos I froze last weekend are a good start, but knowing Jason's appetite, and how much I've heard how starving new breastfeeding mamas can be, I don't think they will last us more than a week. I'm so thankful my mom will be flying in to cook for us, clean for us, and do our laundry (Mom I love you!). That will help, but if we can get as much stock piling as possible done before baby, the better. I also bought stuff for lasagna to make and freeze, but for that it will be a little bit more difficult to separate out single servings, to thaw per meal. Might just have to freeze the whole thing and then thaw and eat the whole thing in a couple days. I might try to put together a website like, "Take them a Meal," as Quinn suggested, but since we don't have any family here, and not too many friends who cook, let along cook vegan food... so we don't really have anyone to rely on to follow through to help out, but our freezing food plan I think will be awesome! Maybe my mom can help freeze some more burritos when she's here, to be sure we stay stocked for at least the first month or so as we adjust.
Everything else is good, my main question still remains, what color hair will she have? I was an auburny/dark red headed baby, and now am blond. Jason was a blond and now his hair is pretty much black. So who knows, we might have a blond, a redhead, or a brunette baby... Jason's voting blondie, but I have no idea... getting excited to find out... so soooooooooooon.