Yesterday surprised myself with the most explosive case of road rage (for me at least). Generally I'm the zen one, who spends the daily commute singing along to my mp3s or the local independent radio station (I love you KUTX!), knowing that it will take me 45+/- minutes to get to work in the morning and then also the afternoon traffic. Why stress it out? Its the same every day, and yeah its a bummer that a 15-20 minute drive is slowed down by all the other commuters, but I know that getting upset about it doesn't do any good and just bums me out. So I don't really mind traffic... usually.
I was heading home and knowing that Austin hosts some of the WORST drivers EVER, its not unusual for me to be unfazed by (though constantly on alert for) people who cut me off, try to come into my lane without turn signals, or immediately jerk to a stop while doing 45 mph. *Knock on Wood* I've never gotten into a car accident in my life, and I think its because I'm not trying to rush around and generally take the defensive role, rather than the aggressive one. Thanks to years of riding a Vespa in San Francisco. Anyway.
Leaving my office a car sped out in front of me from a side road that had no right of way, and honked as if my green light meant nothing. Okay, not unusual. Annoying, but no big deal. Whatevs. A few blocks later, this happens AGAIN. That was when I lost my shit. Haha. By that I mean for the rest of the ride home, this Silver Dodge Truck was in front of me only making my rage worse. I think I tried out more new creative insults I could think of than I have ever used in my whole life. Everything from Barf Bag, to Dust Bunny Sandwich. Sometimes with a classy expletive thrown in there for good measure (Snot Fuck Booger Face). I was so pissed off at this effing truck haha. Letting off some steam felt pretty good, but man, watch out for me. These emotional hormonal outbursts could lead to some verbal sticks and stones.
I've tried to keep my attitude in check, and being aware that I'm sometimes less than grounded, exhausted and overly sensitive helps remind myself to count my blessings (as my grandmother would say), and to remember to stay grateful and positive. There's always at least 3 things to be happy about, for each single thing that is frustrating me at the time. Things to be grateful for like this:
On another note! 6 more days until gender. This suspense is killing me haha. But like my mom says, you don't count the day you're on, and you don't count the day you're waiting for, so really just 4 more [whole] days! At this point I am so excited to just know that I still have a living baby in me. Its so odd to be making a person. I mean, I've seen 2 ultrasounds already, heard the heart beat twice, and I see my huge belly, even felt some movement, but I honestly regularly forget that I'm making a person. Out of this world bizarre, and cool. But also still pretty unbelievable. Its totally surreal. Like, "Oh hey! Just kidding! You are just fat!" I keep thinking the midwives are going to say that next time.
Speaking of, I also start my centering group this month! I'm excited to see who else is in my group, and hopefully that I can make some new mama friends to go through this whole experience with.